June 30, 2004
"Island of thousand candles"
Blackout. 1/3 of Singapore. Darkest night in Singapore in 12 years.
Stepped out of shower. Scooping myself a bowl of green bean soup. *zap*
Hey. Cool. Noticed the blocks around mine also gonez. Cool, cool.
My ma took out the torchlight and started lighting candles. I took out my bagful of tealights and started lighting them and placing them strategically around the house. My sis, Jasmine, went to place a few along the corridor.
Darkness, to that kind of extent, is beautiful too. I was immediately mesmerized by how the world seemed to be only lit by the moon, before we put up all the tealights.
I was still admiring such a rare moment and then, the lights came back. Well, just as well. I was beginning to feel warm from all the candles.
For 25 minutes, darkness has invaded light. Unexpectedly beautiful.
Posted by 杏 cy （Jancy） at 22:14
June 28, 2004
"Inspired by Death"
My Pa's favourite pet fish died. Of suffocation.
The air tube that was supposed to provide oxygen to its tank was, somehow, not functioning after a slight black out yester-evening. But this was not why it died. It died cos of our negligience to check that the thing was working after the black out.
Sigh.
I went to take a last look at the poor fish after coming back from work.
What does it feel like to die of suffocation?
What does it feel like to take every breath, wondering if you would have the next one?
What does it feel like to have your life slowly sucked out of you?
Shar (one of my new colleagues) told me before that for Malays, they believe that when you are about to die, a spirit (or was it some death messenger) will come and take your soul away. And the more bad deeds you've done, the more slowly your soul will be taken out. That's why some people feel 'asthmatic' and couldn't catch their breath in the last moments of death. She said it's a painful way to die.
***
I read one of the comics that D lent me. Death, being the time of our lives.
Suddenly, I have this fascination about Death. Really. Nothing about religion, just Death. A destination we are all taking each day towards. An outcome which we are all investing in.
Posted by 杏 cy （Jancy） at 19:37
"Inspiration from all over"
Snow called yesterday night (actually, he text-ed me cos he was having sexual fantasies about me but i rejected him and that's why he had to call me).
- hmm? lala *eyes roll up
The excuse he used for calling me was, typically, my blog. He asked what inspired me to write my last entry on Love & dating. Actually, he was more concerned that I was still suffering from the aftermath of my last break-up. hee.. Hey, I'm OKAY! What didn't kill me only helped to make me stronger. *wink* Thanks for 'checking up on me'.
Well, suffice to say that I've heard enough around me regarding such 'pathetic' acts of some of my girls' boyfriends. Honestly, what i used to tell my girls were things like, 'he's a loser. move on.' or 'sad story. you'd be better off without him'.
However, I realised that this idea of moving on is really not an option for the girls. Girls being girls, we tend to believe that anything could be worked out and that 'surely, he loves me enough to work it out and what he needs is more time'.
Sigh, bollocks. Some guyz are just indecisive and irresponsible and enjoys the act of swinging like a pendulum between commitment and non-commitment.
Enough of 'why's and 'should's. Let's just all sink to the rock bottom before we can be given a chance to see 'how' to bounce back.
Posted by 杏 cy （Jancy） at 19:17
June 27, 2004
Love & dating...18
There is a certain breed of man that I despise and sympathise with at the same time. The kind who do not know what they want (or don't want), and when pressurized, think they want everything when in truth, they just lacked the guts to say ,'no' or face rejection.
Too many times I've heard girlfriends around me telling me sad stories of how they mustered up courage to initiate a break off, only to be held back by their boyfriends, who will promise to talk it out and make it work. And then, just when they thought miracles may happen, their boyfriends turn around and say, 'I think it's better we just be friends'.
"What the Fuck?"
You guyz have this need to be the knight in shining armour (some more rusty actually), saving us from our distress brought upon by (in many cases) other guyz. But, when YOU are the reason of our distress, we will really appreciate if you do NOT be too kind to us by making us almost believe that 'love does conquer all'. Especially not when there really isn't any real love from your side.
C'mon! Guyz, wimps and jerks out there,
get this clear. The fact that we belong to the fairer sex does not coincide with your opinion that we are the weaker sex.
The most unmanly thing a man can do is to give false hopes to the girl that loves him while he takes his own sweet time to sort out what he deserves.
So much time has flew past. If by now you still do not know if you deserve your woman, I say, you probably don't deserve her.
So, let her go. And I say this, meaning to call out whatever little courage you have to have a cool, mature talk with her, tell her in the face that 'it's impossible, we may not even end up as friends, but I want both of us to at least, move on.'
For the things that she has done for you, the time that you have spent together, the laughter you have shared, give her that chance to have a complete closure on you. That's your last act of respect towards someone once so close to you. The easiest break-up to move on from is the kind where both parties agree amicably that you both have to move on, on your own.
And if we do cry even as we agree, please do not freak out and backtrack. To cry is an act of natural grief towards the loss of something we once held so dear.
Let us cry. We will move on easier soon as we finish.
There is more resilience and strength in a woman than men give us credit for.
Posted by 杏 cy （Jancy） at 15:33
I was out with Bblics, Apple n Eve yesterday night. A few good games of pool, during which they all thought I was being overly serious in the game. Bblics had to keep telling me 'it's okay', 'never mind, darlin'. Actually, I really wasn't being overly serious. Just the contrary, I wasn't concentrating much in the game, especially the last few. hee... I was just stoning and doing the thing I knew I was doing without really thinking about what it was.
But still, we had good laughs throughout. Thanks to Apple, who acted like a ----- (guessed the word anot, woman?).
There was quite a crowd at FF when we planted ourselves there to while away the rest of our night. And Joe, Jem and his gf were there too. Ahh, looks like I'd know exactly where to find Joe (often MIA friend) for the next couple weekends.
Bblics was saying she didn't get the kick from being at FF these past 2 weeks that we were there. Largely 'cos Nuris and Darren do not seem to be playing their signature songs, the few that totally drew Bblics and myself to FF in the first place. And it seems like there are a number of 'guest performers' recently. They are good, for variety's sake. But we still much prefer 'the usual, please'.
I wonder what's up for next weekend. My mommy and Janet are flying off to Taiwan for holidays on Thursday. So, I wonder if I may get to sleep over in another's bed, or get someone to sleep over with me... hmm??? haha...
-just kiddin. DUH.
Posted by 杏 cy （Jancy） at 15:14
June 26, 2004
"Let's get loud!"
Wow, look at the weapons gathering! 1 new addition every week for the past 3 weeks! Make noise, peeps!
"Gift of corruption"
Juan came back from US some 2 weeks ago. She bought me a LOTR bookmark. Picture of Frodo with The Sting, and it comes with a tassel with The Ring at the end.
I Lurve It. I love fingering the words round the ring. It's so enticing.
Thanks, Juan! Oh! I bought a pack of LOTR playing cards from Chinatown last week! 52 cards of all different characters (whh is why I couldn't resist buying). haha! Tell Ray! Show off to him some other day. =P
Posted by 杏 cy （Jancy） at 14:29
Have outta-world fun in Scotland and Paris and wherever you may be, you lucky elf! If you do get married, stay there, otherwise, haha... remember you still have your thesis writing to do back home! *yay! bleah...
Posted by 杏 cy （Jancy） at 14:26
June 24, 2004
"Intellectual. Tactless. Methodical. Placid."
Saw on a notebook the above adjectives used to describe a virgo.
Hmm? Sometimes. Yesh. Well?
Placid. Me? Actually, I think so. I can count 3 friends who, at some rather low or confusing point in their lives, alluded that I have that quality within me.
It's likely this same placidness that helps paint a 'cocky' or 'dao1' first impression of me for a handful of my (now)friends.
Placid. Calming effect on people. Like camomile tea.
Placid. Satisfied, complacent and arrogant.
Placid. Me.
"Bambi"
Meisen said I sometimes remind her of Bambi the deer. Doe-eyed. Especially when I'm confused or blur.
Sounds cute. Bambi.
Placid Bambi. Yay!
Posted by 杏 cy （Jancy） at 19:19
"Wasn't the worst, neither the best"
I joined Meisen for dinner yesterday. The group was made up of Kelvin, Norman (nice meeting ya both), Reiko, Christian (my very eager chua member/brother), Meisen n me.
Dinner was at Banquet, China Square Central. Peeps, China square central is NOT China Square. The latter is the one in Raffles place, just opposite Far East Square (which is not the same as Far East Plaza or Far East SC). Stupid. Can't these developers think of less confusing names? Anyway, bunch of thanks to Mel for giving me directions how to go. Actually, peeps, all you should say is 'Fook Hai building' and I would know exactly where it is. hehe..
Still, it's my fault for hardly casting a glance at that place just behind chinatown point. neat place. Another new hang-out place for S.B.C!
***
Sat thru a session with these postgrads when they were not drunk. I know the last time, when they were, wasn't the worst. I'm sure last night wasn't their most intellectual too. Still, I was very engaged. We were talking about education system in Singapore (my pet topic) and then, the typical Singapore mentality towards having alternative discourse and making changes.
I kinda agree with both sides (ha, that's typical of me eh). Instead of revolting and public resistance, we should all start making changes in living our everyday and hopefully influence others around us to make that adjustment too.
It's not about imposing my discourse as the dominant one but to make many more others aware that their discourses should also have a fair chance to be heard. And, like it was mentioned quite a few times last night, if the next person you talk to stop taking our society and our structures for granted and start questioning the possibility of an alternative, that's where we would have succeeded.
At the same time, I also agree that it may not be enough to just make that change in one's everyday life. There's very little that one can do to change (n i'm saying not necessarily improve) the dominant hand. If we are serious about wanting to have a change of hand, getting organized is a crucial first step. But, the problem, like Reiko pointed out, is that Singaporeans don't seem to want to take responsibility for the things they actually can say or do to make a difference.
We are all afraid to end up selling books at Orchard Road.
***
Singapore is a sad place to live in. Yes, I knew that some good time ago. But, I'm only starting to feel existential.
Now, my work sorta defines me to a greater extent than I expected. Luckily, I don't feel like I'm labouring where I am working.
Posted by 杏 cy （Jancy） at 18:25
"Heavenly"
See now, today I feel very contented-able - a new term that means a mood that makes one easily pleased and contented.
I prepared one big jug of lemon honey water, which is chilling now in the fridge. And I bought Twisties Totally Tomato (i.e. Tomato flavour lah...). So, now i'm sipping chilled lemon honey water and munching on tomato twisties, blogging at the same time. And I feel ahhh, very nice.
Posted by 杏 cy （Jancy） at 18:20
June 22, 2004
The quirkiness of my tummy (a list of dietary decisions that my tummy do not agree with):
1. Roti prata first thing in the morning, neither 4 hours before bed.
2. Soya bean milk as a beverage companion to any meals. (ya, soya bean milk as a meal itself is ok).
3. More than 2 pincers of a crab at any day (no matter black pepper, chilli or butter).
4. Ice-cream 'marathon' (i.e. no more than 2 scoops any one day).
5. Various forms of glutinous rice, esp in the form of dumplings (argh...!).
Guess what I'm having for dinner. Hint: Lunar 5th of 5th month. Couldn't resist it!!! sigh...
Posted by 杏 cy （Jancy） at 20:43
June 21, 2004
"Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind"
I do wonder occasionally, especially when I'm trying to remember to forget somethings, what would life be if a part of your past can be and is wiped off.
HK serials love to have a pretty female lead suffering from some kind of amnesia just before she's supposed to get married to the love of her life, or something along that line. And then, the poor man being left on the shelf had to try means and ways to bring back her memory so that we can all shed a few tears and they can live happily everafter (at least until the last episode).
Actually, I'm not really thinking of wanting to be amnesia or erase a part of my past or memories of someone (as in the movie). Aside from the fact that it's almost impossible, I think it's an escapist way of not wanting to face your regrets and an irresponsible way to face the consequences of your own decisions.
But, let's just say, IF one day I shall be so unlucky as to stand right under a falling brick (hey! that's what always happen lah... on TV), and lose a vital part of my memory, maybe of someone, would it really be better to try to make me remember again?
Start life anew, turn over a new leaf... literally, I would be able to do that. With no history of myself, no knowledge of my own past, wouldn't life have a chance to be rebooted and perhaps, upgraded?
If I were my family or friends (actually, i trust there're only very few that would be able to help me recall things that would trigger my memory), would I be doing myself a favour by helping me remember or would I just let it be? There is a truth in saying ignorance is bliss, after all.
How about you? If you had a chance to have an eternal sunshine of a spotless mind, would you embrace that?
Posted by 杏 cy （Jancy） at 23:35
Welcome, Annie! To this egomaniac world, littered with occasional wit and (for Snow's case) shameless plagiarised crap. *yay!!!
Posted by 杏 cy （Jancy） at 23:30
June 20, 2004
"Take good care"
Kyn dar, read your blog. I almost can feel your hurt. Really, please, do yourself the favour and do it for the people you gave the stick-to-survive on Titanic, as well as those whom you had to give up but felt the tear in your heart. Take very very good care. You won't bloody realise your dreams if you gonna die halfway, or just collapse mid journey.
I'd email u soon (soon as my eyelids are more than 5mm from touching base).
Be good. Or else...
BE GOOD.
Posted by 杏 cy （Jancy） at 03:01
"1 gig"
That's the capacity that gmail is offering to me. To me, cos I've already registered an email account with them and am using it now. But, I did not know it's still not open to all. i.e. you actually cannot go to a webpage and just 'sign up' for the email account.
I feel so damn exclusive. Those of you who are also using it, I don't want to know oki! I lurve feeling exclusive.
Thank you very much. *beams
Posted by 杏 cy （Jancy） at 02:50
"Plans"
First, Juan was telling me about her 2 or 3 years plan. Glimpse of hope that gave me. I can already see her walking down the aisle...
Then, I tried to make plans for myself, put my life in order. I went to see Guoqiang about it. Alas, he made me understood (with much regrets) that there's very little he can help me with, pertaining to my hope of getting enough funding for further studies in 4 years time. But we both found out that I would be much richer as soon as I die. I've been investing in my own death. Wonderful. That royal pain promised he would burn a university for me if i name him my beneficiary. I'm still considering between Warwick and Leeds.
Then, Charan, quite out of the blue, said he's thinking of getting married. I'm really curious who is the motivation behind that thought.
Then, Xiaoping, whom I bumped into yesterday evening, informed that Fern is going ROM on Monday. And she already begun making plans for her wedding dinner for late next year. I can already see us going 'yammmmmmmmmm seng!' at her dinner.
Everybody is having plans. Meanwhile, I feel a page of my life has just been refreshed.
Posted by 杏 cy （Jancy） at 02:35
"One thing at a time, PLEASE"
Bumped into Jeremy n Joe at Fat Frog just now. I was there with my bblics darling, apple dear and her dear (i.e. Shaun, Superman), and (guess who) my Mum n sis. hehe.. quite a weird combi. I still feel very bad for having put my darlin to the nonsense of janet. I hope she knows now how lucky she is not to have a sister, at least, not one like mine. hehe
Fat Frog is going to have to close down come end July. My first reaction? "What??? Are you sure? Why??" Then, after half-hearing Joe's answers to these questions, "What am I gonna do without Nuris and Darren here?"
Yes, Shaun, life will move on, and I will have to move on. I've been moving on a lot recently. I can't move on from so many things all at one time. oh man! Can't believe it.
Those of you still curious about this Fat Frog I hang out at, and you know who you are, text me and we'll go down before it closes it doors, like the National Library just opposite.
Posted by 杏 cy （Jancy） at 02:24
June 18, 2004
Snow, I'm divorcing you.
Sorry it took so long to give you back your shameless freedom. I was as screwed up myself, as I told you.
Well, you are free to go to Becks now. You sad loser. You don't know what you would be missing.
The alimony is that you are very fully obliged to pay me crap and make me laugh when I need it. And you are doing fine, as yet.
And I already told Annie that we will faster turn homo than to really fall in love with each other. I think she got my point, at last, thank Whoever. Even bionic woman looks more sexually appealing than you, really.
Posted by 杏 cy （Jancy） at 11:36
Especially for
Joycey.
Thank you, sweet dear. For the concern, and trying to make me believe there's a rainbow after the clouds clear. But most of all, for telling me it's ok not to be strong all the time. That, in fact, was what I needed and wanted to hear.
Meow, Joycey, we shall meet up again soon ok! Meow, hang in there. Your boss is a total idiot. But, at least you knew it all along. He still doesn't know it himself. Pathetic fool.
Posted by 杏 cy （Jancy） at 11:32
"Still, thank you."
If you are reading this, thank you. For letting me close the door properly for the last time and throw away the key.
It's still a shame that there wasn't enough courage to tell it to my face. But, since the result would be the same, I can only let it pass.
I became happier almost immediately. I hope you did too.
Posted by 杏 cy （Jancy） at 11:27
I've been reading
The House of Sleep (look right).
Meisen> I'm enjoying it a lot. The few occasional chuckles n laughter I had these past few days came when I was burying my face in this book. Good stuff indeed. And I soooo look forward to meeting you and karen (sera too?) later! ^_^
Posted by 杏 cy （Jancy） at 11:24
"Get your Vain Ass back!"
FVB. 17th July is it? night flight is it? For holy cow's sake, 17th IS a SATURDAY!!! Have you not already noticed that Wenn n me (n apple too, cos she'd ve survived her deadlines by then) have never quite understood the value of sleeping early on Sat nights?! C'mon!!! Don't let me start thinking you know us that miserably well.
Get your FV Ass back. We will party. Get it clear. This is NOT an invitation. It's an expectation.
So, please, for the S.B.C's sake, sleep on your flight!!! And, we will not disappoint. Mark the QB's words.
Posted by 杏 cy （Jancy） at 11:18
June 16, 2004
Hope has risen. By... 2mm.
And it shall fall again with the onset of dawn.
Posted by 杏 cy （Jancy） at 01:30
June 12, 2004
"Growth is the voluntary acceptance of oneself and jadedness is
the involuntary acceptance of the things one can't change."
I think I'm on the onset of a quarter life crisis. I recognise that the next 4 or 5 years is a crucial period of my life. A period in which I would probably have to face many choices and make many decisions, and each and every one of them potentially life-changing. I also recognise that increasingly, the occurence of many things in life are no longer in my hands. That's quite ironic? Consider that I am financially independent, socially accepted, and am in a job that makes most of my friends somewhat envious.
I think there are many rifts between realities (or responsibilities) and dreams (or wants). And so little time to attend to all of them, so little resources to meet all of them. I find myself accepting more realities and trying to be brave and strong towards all of them. It's just amazing, and scary, how sometimes you internalise the 'should's in life and it becomes second nature. Only during what I term 'fatal hours' do you suddenly feel your fatigue and longing to withdraw from this crazy life. What if my dreams are actually the right reality?
Kyn darling> Sometimes, I act so well that I don't quite know when I'm acting and when I'm not. Only when I feel sick and tired from all these illusions do I realise that I'm long over due in taking a bow. We are all the same. Just that I've a higher threshold of holding on in harsh conditions.
The delicate balance is lost for now. I'm trying to seek some peace of mind from divine help. I still will not pray. But I think I will go practise some Buddhism philosophy.
One day, I might become someone you don't recognise. But, until that happens, I'm involuntarily trying to avoid a part of myself.
Posted by 杏 cy （Jancy） at 13:16
Love & dating...17
In Joe's words: 'Marriage is the ultimate acceptance.'
A pity most of us either don't know it or don't quite comprehend it. An even more regretful thing is, marriage in Singapore has become part of the package that also includes a long term debt to the HDB and expensive dinner which largely comprises of guests whose names you can barely call out.
Posted by 杏 cy （Jancy） at 12:34
June 11, 2004
The BIG day is tomorrow!
Posted by 杏 cy （Jancy） at 00:14
2 Minutes of Fame!
???: only 5 comments per blog entry? y the restriction? such a lousy blog..
???: anyway i agree with wat XXX said. no one who is genuinely n truly humble will sing praises of themselves. n worst of all u even said u urself r humble. cant imagine. dun make me puke!!!
The Atomic Princess: point noted... but u know what, i've very little say in that. n well, i dun quite intend to change my interface yet. so... bear with it. or email me at sammic@hotspots.com
??? :y should i email u? afraid to let other people see? feeling ashamed of yourself for being so thick skinned? pls be a little more humble. does not do good to be so egoistic n arrogant.
The Atomic Princess: Ya, I'm ashamed indeed. Ashamed of letting the whole world know that I am actually responding to you, someone by the unoriginal nic of ???.
Get a life elsewhere. Stop reading my blog. Thank you very much.
???: ya right. u can don't respond if you want. but that would only go to show you are guilty. and to think that after being so very arrogant and thinking so highly of yourself you still got the cheek to say such things. can't believe there is still such a thick skinned human. why should i stop reading your blog? you put it on the internet which is a public space alright. you got no right to stop me.
Your time's up. All ready for your second shot at fame?
Posted by 杏 cy （Jancy） at 00:02
June 09, 2004
She should be on the plane heading back home now. Arriving in 7 hours time. Get some sleep. Catch a few stars. We'd see you so soon.
3 more days to believing love is all around.
Posted by 杏 cy （Jancy） at 23:14
From the papers...17
Sorry, SM. But the way I see it, the reason why scholars are termed scholars in the public sector has nothing to do with their ability (or for some, talent, drive AND energy) to become entrepreneurs.
Pardon my next few sweeping sentences or so. But, I trust I'm entitled to having a general sentiment about our education system on MY Bloooody Blog.
Our education system is such that those who can regurgitate things better go on to claim their scholarships from a system that groomed them so. After which, they go on to slave for a bureaucracy that pays them (un)reasonably well so that even when they can move out of the public sector, they command a much higher pay than most of us here still working our butts off our goddamn bank loan.
They have all the resources to lead a laid back life and bask in the glow of their very healthy bank account. What makes you think they will have the talent, drive and energy to be an entrepreneur? Yes, some do. I won't contest that.
But, c'mon! The concentration is not of talent, drive and energy. It's more of poverty (I use tis word here loosely, cos 'cmon! tis is singapore! poverty? Bah!) and a serious lack of resources and ambition.
Jeremy: So, what are civil servants?
Joe: Erm, slaves?
Me: Cheap labour...?
Jeremy: Not cheap you know! The colonels and lieutenants are very well-paid. Very expensive slaves.
Me: Those are not slaves. Those are the slave-drivers.
Even my very 'blissful' younger sister remarked few days ago that 'In Singapore, the scholarships are all taken up by non-Singaporeans.' She would know. She works in NUS.
Posted by 杏 cy （Jancy） at 22:49
June 08, 2004
4 more days to the first taste of Heaven.
2 more days to Juan's returning... you've been very very missed. We are resisting the urge to advance our watches.
Posted by 杏 cy （Jancy） at 23:53
Venue: Coffee Club, Millenia Walk
Time: 8.30pm
Occasion: A small meeting of people from the same internet forum
(Mod n me were telling Joe and Jeremy how we both enjoy walking a lot, just taking strolls to nowhere in particular, esp when we've something on our mind, or are feeling in the dumps.)
Mod: You just keep walking, and walking until you reach a destination, wherever it may be, if there's one.
Me: Ya. In fact, sometimes, you don't want to reach your destination. You just want to walk, keep walking.
Joe: Why would you do that?
Me: Hmm, walk your worries away?
Joe: But, I don't understand why you girls would prefer walking. Isn't it better to talk to someone about it, if you have problems?
Mod: But, there's no one to talk to.
Joe: What do you mean? Your friends?
Me: No, sometimes, you just don't want to talk to anyone. You'd rather just walk by yourself.
Joe: Go talk to someone... talk to your man. The man in your life...
Mod: Our man doesn't want to talk to us!
Me: Ya, my man doesn't want to talk to me. And, I don't have a man in my life.
(All attention on me)
Mod: Oh, come on! I'm sure you have one!
Me (smiles): But why...
Jeremy: Hey, there's your father! Talk to him!
(All laughed)
I meant it. People just don't seem to believe I am still not taken. I'm not just desperate. I'm desperately tired. There's a dream I always had for myself that is increasingly getting lost in the haze of my fatigue.
Posted by 杏 cy （Jancy） at 23:38
June 07, 2004
I'm EVERYTHING I am, because you love me.
NEVER has any BBQ been as important and significant as the one happening in 5 days time. It's a life changing decision. And we're getting ready.
Posted by 杏 cy （Jancy） at 22:59
"As in Comfort taxis?"
*hic* Kyn Vamp, you updated your blog!!! So soon! So long too! I (we) are impressed. Looks like you are making a big effort to make up for the lame conversation we had on Sat. You FVB, it took some very sinful supper for wenn n me to get over how disillusioned we were about you. And, we spent like half hour gazing out of Lips Cafe, not talking, cos we were just sooo disillusioned all of a sudden, no thanks to you. Couples sitting around us thought these two L-plates were having a tiff.
But, really, how's the curry chicken? good? Did you add in the coconut juice or not? You mean you DON'T KNOW you should?????!!!! Sigh! hehe
Thank you, FVB, for taking the trouble to cross that line out so your blog is less suggestive. I didn't know you had such a tough childhood n puberty stage. oh man, you're a survivor ye? Ye, as soon as you managed to cook the curry chicken from the gravy. ya?
Posted by 杏 cy （Jancy） at 22:42
June 05, 2004
"Speak louder"
Just popped by our FVB's blog. Really glad to know that you benefitted so tremendously from your course. Though it was really really difficult for me to explain to my Ma when I couldn't get you in HK last week. Try telling your Ma that the friend you are visiting is on course till 12 midnight and that's why you haven't been able to locate her. And you FVB, stop pushin the blame to your hp network!!! If there's anything you left behind for us here, it must be your lame excuses. Don't we just love you for it?
Okay, seriously now.
- grins
I love what you said in your blog ===> 'a person who doesnt love herself, would feel that it is too painful to be loved by someone else.'
Brilliant. So, isn't it little wonder then that I'm so loved by everyone I know? (those of you who cringes at this lack of 'humility', just... sod off. I'm not interested in the opinions of people who barely know me.)
FVB! Stop saying things like havin the hands that will support you from below. My gawd, that sounds really lewd in the context of your blog interface.
As for other forms of cursing you, we shall wait for tonight. Singtel is ready to connect us.
Posted by 杏 cy （Jancy） at 20:17
I finished with a day camp in the school on Friday, just yesterday. It was a great one, everything ran smoothly and on time and everything was under control. 'Under control' cos with our children, you'd never know when things will get out of control, and according to the teachers, it's not a remote possibility.
Learnt from the teachers and other volunteers, some of which are parents of the children themselves. And did a lot of exercise helping to man a game station, running up and down the stairs. Phew.
The last bit was a nice dinner in the school garden. Very nice. We had nice table cloths, little improvised vases of cheery flowers, gentle spotlights, and a very good spread of food, including bbq. Very good dinner, I must say. And the ambience was lovely, having dinner in the garden, with the children running about (after they finished theirs), playing with their plastic planes and parents and staff just chatting away, taking a well-deserved break from the long day. Very nice.
For a first time school camp, I must say the organising committee did an excellent job. For me, it was an excellent chance to be thrown in the midst of all the action and get some exposure to the kind of work I'd be doing in my new job and to rapport with my fellow TAs n teachers too.
And I know I'd have lots lots more chances to be touched and moved by the gifts and personal development of the children, and to feel an immense sense of fulfillment for being where I am.
It's only the beginning, a really good one.
Posted by 杏 cy （Jancy） at 20:03
June 03, 2004
Love & dating...16
When I was still in NUS, one of my favourite activities, besides queueing for strawberry milkshake and niang doufu at the Arts canteen, is to have ostensible revision sessions with my knight. During one of the engaging conversations then, Eugene mentioned that to him, love is like chocolate, the dark kind. It's bitter sweet.
Forgive me if I'm wrong cos I'm really not a choco fan. I guess the really excellent kind of bitter sweet chocolate is the kind that is extremely smooth, not too hard, neither too soft, melts evenly in the mouth, exudes a bitter-sweet taste on the palate, but once swallowed, the taste doesn't linger too long in your mouth. Just enough for you to savour the taste, but not too 'clingy'.
I think a good dream is like bitter sweet chocolate too. It's lovely and you enjoy every minute of it, even though many times, we do know it's only a dream. We want it to go on and on, cos it's so pleasant. But, just like good chocolate does melt and dissolve, good dreams will still come to an end. And we wake up, feeling a dreaded sense of loss. But, we do remember fragments of it. So, we try to dream about our dream in our conscious state. Just like a bitter-sweet after taste, we try to hold on to it until it's clear that it's really gone.
Hard pressed, I would say I like bitter sweet chocolate (vis-a-vis just any chocolate). And I like good dreams. But what I miss most are the dreams I had in my conscious state, the dreamlike reality.
It's the faded line between dream and reality. Sometimes, I don't quite know which side of the line I stand. Then again, maybe I do not want to know.
I do know, however, that the next time I fall from either side, it would be when there's someone there more than ready to catch me.
Posted by 杏 cy （Jancy） at 18:36
June 02, 2004
"Reward"
I believe, that in every mistake and every seemingly wrong decision, or crudely, in every shit hole, there's a lesson to be learnt, if not a reward to be thankful for. There always is a good reason why things happen and happened the way they do (even though I must say sometimes it takes bloody long for the reason to be made known).
I met Mel n Joyce for dinner at Seoul Garden yesterday. The reason why I was put to my last job at SHS is to meet them. And my reward is to get to know them as people I call my friends.
So, Meow and Joycey, stay where you are and learn as much as you can. But, really, you have to move on in due time, if things remain what they are and at this rate. But, whatever it is, we will always keep in contact.
'cos we need to compile "The bizarre tales of Melissa's childhood"! haha
Posted by 杏 cy （Jancy） at 13:53